508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
