woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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