so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
