ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
