If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
