I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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