life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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