i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
