he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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