Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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