Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We just shotgunned beers for America
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
