so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
