i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
