where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
