I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
