Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
