I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize