Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
