Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
