it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
