how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
