The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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