as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So many bounce houses so little time
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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