Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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