the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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