:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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