I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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