He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
