Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
