that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
