remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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