Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
