How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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