I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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