oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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