It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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