I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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