So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
