You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
