At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
