was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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