So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
