I molested 6 butterflies tonight
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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