I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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