i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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