I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
