we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
