why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
