I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
