I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
