I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
