found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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