Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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