Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
