he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
