I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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