I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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