frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
