I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
