took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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