people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize