pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
