My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
