You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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