my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
