Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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