Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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