Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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