No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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