He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
