so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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