i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
