Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
