We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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