You can't motorboat a personality
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize