Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
