Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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