thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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